Almost a year ago now, Syed Farook and his wife Tashfeen Malik, ruthlessly massacred 14 of their fellow human beings and seriously injured 22 more in a terrorist attack in San Bernardino, California. Many of us watched this horrific drama play out on our televisions as the perpetrators were pursued and eventually killed by police. Radical Islam deeply wounded our nation yet again and inflicted brutal suffering on innocent friends enjoying their employee Christmas celebration.
As investigators began searching for clues and motives, a popular theory emerged that Syed’s wife, Tashfeen, was the more extreme of the two and that she actually radicalized her husband. Although they were both of Pakistani origin, it seems that through repeated exposure to terror and ISIS ideology at her instigation, he gradually became more committed to this cause until he eventually joined her in this horrendous slaughter.
Whether this scenario is accurate or not may never be known and in the end, Syed willfully participated in this act and will ultimately have to answer for his own deeds before the court of Heaven. Nonetheless, the idea that a wife could so influence her husband to take such drastic and deadly measures generated much discussion across our country.
Spouses do indeed impact each other significantly. But while wives may occasionally lead their husbands into evil, I would suggest that the reverse happens far more often. In many marriages, we men have become less violent and more civil due to the calming and peaceful influence of our wives.
October 29 would be my mom and dad’s 66th wedding anniversary if they were both still living. Although dad was never a violent or vicious man, he often told me what a tremendously positive impact mom made in his life. I can still hear him remark, “I didn’t start living until I met your mother.” Dad never got over mom’s beneficial presence in his life and he knew he was a much better man because of it.
Dad gave his heart to God before they met, but it was largely through mom’s influence that he learned what it was to live like Jesus. She discipled him with tenderness and love. Through her encouragement and then his leadership, they held morning devotions in our home for our family and they had private times of worship together each evening as well.
Because of mom’s daily impact on his character, dad became a Sunday School teacher and lay speaker in our church. He served in several leadership capacities and together the two of them did many acts of anonymous generosity and goodwill throughout the community. Their story is the reverse of what happened in San Bernardino last December. This kind of positive marital influence and co-service happens daily all across our land and results in much good but sadly never gets the headlines like the brutality.
As I’ve met and interacted with many men over the years, Dad’s story is not unique. The prayers, kindnesses, love, and grace of our wives have a remarkably positive effect on us men. How many of us have been rescued from rash actions or bad judgment by the cooler, calmer advice from our ladies? In my own life, I’m very grateful for Nancy’s influence, prayers, and encouragement as she has greatly helped me become more like Jesus.
God knew that Adam was incomplete and needed a helpmeet. What a wonderful gift He provided us men when He fashioned our wives. No one should minimize a wife’s influence on her husband for good or evil, but let’s recognize that a vast majority help their men to walk in paths of righteousness. And let’s thank the Creator of both for His incredible design and recognize that He put man and woman together for a reason.
Blessings, George